THE CHOICE TO NOT GO BACK

Yesterday I spoke with someone who expressed her fear of moving forward yet not going back. This is a very interesting space to be because going back is the familiar and a comfort zone although you may have grown tired of the routine. Yet moving forward comes with its challenges. In this situation it was about going back into the corporate world, the work world. Oh have I even been there! For 11 years I had not worked in corporate America but was an entrepreneur, had my own business, well things went down hill and I was forced to make some decisions...I had to decide to go back into the work world. However I realized that there were still some things that I needed to learn and I would receive this learning from this environment. One of the qualities I needed was a bit of discipline, there is a certain degree of discipline that is needed in ones life...not restriction, or over the top structure but some focus. I looked at this new adventure as if I was going back to school because that's what the work arena is ...its just an extension of school...you are there most of the day, you have school work to do, management evaluates your work and scolds you when its not done correctly, you engage with relationships on the job, you squabble with each other just the same and people have their little clicks.

Well I set up my own rules of engagement before returning and I knew that I would be there until I figured out a permanent way out of this rat race! I did my time like a good inmate, figured it was time to let myself out into the world once again. One thing that I must say is that what stirred me to leave was that fact that I realized that I was starting to get too comfortable with getting a paycheck. I started to feel secure and dependent upon this check...not good people! Security is an illusion! as you can well see for all of these people out of work. I also kept seeing the same people on the road at the same time everyday...this was starting to feel like rewind...omg I had to go! This was beginning to be much too routine. So I left and became a consultant until I got tired of that because it became an extension of the whole corporate thing as well...just too much for me. Long story short...I decided to start my magazine and finish my book The Holographic Canvas. Boy did that ever turn into a ride...omg... Ran out of money had to put my things in storage, give up my condo five minutes from the beach...BUT I REFUSED TO GO BACK!!! Oh I got kicked and cried every day for months, but still I REFUSED TO GO BACK!!! I knew that I was ready to move forward...all of the years behind me had now prepared me for what lies ahead. Lots and lots of desperate moments but STILL I REFUSED TO GO BACK... it was time to do this...all of my pain and suffering and good times and bad times etc had prepared me to forge ahead...whew what a ride!

I was doggy paddling the whole way with my little chin barely above water and here I am still doggy paddling at times but most of my body is out of the water...the moral of the story...listen to your inner guidance, know when its time for you, trust your inner guidance. Is security what you are after, if it is then perhaps there is nothing to change...for in truth and in fact the more steep leg of this journey is not for the faint of heart. It requires commitment and an ability to stick to the process. Well hope this helps someone out there who is in the midst of making THE CHOICE TO NOT GO BACK.

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